


Hole In My Soul

by GrimLiFiendish



Series: Jason’s Realization [2]
Category: Pretty Little Liars, Pretty Little Liars Series - Sara Shepard
Genre: Anger, Angst, F/M, Hurt, Jaria, PLL Fanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-10 12:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12911700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrimLiFiendish/pseuds/GrimLiFiendish
Summary: Synopsis: Jason is still dealing with the fall out of running away a couple years earlier.Characters: Jason, Aria, Ezra, Alison, Spencer, Hanna, Emily, Holbrook, Caleb, Paige, Toby, NoelPairings: Jason/Aria (obviously, sexual tension and attraction) Ezra/Aria Spencer/Toby, Emily/Paige, Hanna/Caleb, Alison/Noel (flirtation only)





	Hole In My Soul

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to Could Have Been Love,  
> Song inspiration: Hole in My Soul by Appocalyptica  
> This dedicated to Heathersun.

It had been two weeks since Jason had seen Aria with Ezra Fitz at the mall. He had seen Aria a few times since then, but other than a polite greeting she never talked to him and definitely made sure she was never alone with him. Since then he had found out more about Ezra Fitz, thanks to Spencer who knew the whole story.

Aria had met him in a bar, only to find out the next day he was her English teacher, her parents disapproved of the relationship and they didn't even know everything. Spencer stopped short of telling him everything. but she told him that they had broken up over something Aria had found out. After he was shot and almost died trying to help them the night they got Alison back, how could Aria not realize how much he loved her and that other stuff didn't matter anyway. It was just one of the obstacles they had overcome to be together.

Jason noticed that Alison had been extremely quiet and couldn't quiet meet his eyes when the subject of Ezra Fitz came up. Did she have a crush on him? He couldn't quiet figure out Alison's reaction and it was not the only time he would notice her looking away or that her body stiffened when Ezra's name came up. As for Aria what had she found out about Ezra that would cause her to break up with him until he got shot, and would cause further disapproval if her parents found out? Was she only with him out of obligation, because she felt like she owed him because he was shot? Jason wished he had all the answers, but he knew he wasn't being told everything and what he had been told wasn't helping him. 

There had been a piece missing in his life since the day he ran away from his feelings for her. When he first got back and seen his sister and then learning about Spencer had filled that void some, but the hole in his life seemed to be enlarging again without Aria, and her avoidance of him was only making it worse. If only he could go back and change the way he had handled things after the night. He didn't regret what he had done, only how he had done it. Getting clean and finding a purpose, were things he had to do for himself and for her. His regret was not saying goodbye.

He wished he would have explained that he was leaving because he needed to get himself together. If only he would have done something besides run away and leave Aria behind thinking what that night had meant nothing. That evening, the compassion and acceptance she had given him had healed something inside him and he hadn't even thanked her. So many times, since coming back he had tried talking to her, but she wouldn't talk to him. So often he had almost given up hope and then he would catch her looking at him with the same emotion he was sure was reflected in his own eyes. Seeing her with Ezra felt like a thorn was in his heart working its way deeper and it killed a piece of him a little each time.

Tonight, was one of those nights. Still leery of Alison being alone without her family present his parents had insisted that Jason escort Alison to the winter dance much to her chagrin. Jason wasn't exactly pleased about it either as it meant he was forced to be near Aria and Ezra all night. She had taken his breath away when she walked in wearing a pale blue outfit even in a sea of girl's dressed white, silver and blue she still stood out to him.

As usual she was coldly polite when she seen him sitting at their table flanked by a sister on each side. As if to drive home the fact that she was with Ezra, she was being extremely clingy. Not being able to hold her was gut wrenching, but seeing her in Ezra's arms and watching as she smiled up at him her arms clasped tight around his neck was almost more than he could take. Jason would have bought her act if he had not seen her staring at him her eyes burning like embers when she thought no one was watching her and that was the only thing holding him together right now; though, in some ways, it made things worse. Knowing she had feelings for him gave him hope; however, when he thought about why she was ignoring those feelings, helplessness eclipsed any hope he had.

Jason was deep in thought as he sat at the table. Alison was chatting away to Noel Khan, the two of them had rekindling their friendship and a mild flirtation they had always engaged in. Spencer and Toby were on the dance floor. Emily and Paige were talking to fellow students on the swim team. Hanna was chatting to agent Holbrook who had been assigned to keep an eye on Alison. His sisters' friend was dating Caleb, but it she was obvious she had a crush on the FBI agent, who took it for what it was, a schoolgirl crush and handled the situation delicately. It was hard not to feel sorry for the teenage boy as he stood with puppy dog eyes watching Hanna batting brilliant blue eyes at Holbrook. Finally, Aria and Ezra were on the dance floor and had been for most of the night.

Jason lifted defeated eyes to the girl that should have been with him and once again she was looking at him over her boyfriend’s shoulder. When she noticed him looking back at her she tried to turn her eyes away from him, but she couldn't seem to look away. Jason was doing his best to convey every feeling he had, every regret, needing her to realize that he hadn't meant to hurt her. He had been afraid of his own feelings for the girl that was too young especially when he was so messed up.

She didn't break eye contact until Ezra moved her in another direction and Jason had to see her ex teacher's happy face as he smiled down at the girl in his arms and Jason felt a stab in his heart. He turned his eyes from the couple once again pretending a fascination with the watered-down punch Spencer had brought over for him earlier. It wasn't until he heard a chair being pulled out that he realized Aria and Ezra had come back to the table, but only Aria sat down. Ezra decided to go get refreshments for himself and his girlfriend even though told him she didn't want anything. Noel asked Alison to dance and for the first time since the night he got back he, Aria was not surrounded by the girls or hanging onto Ezra.

Jason tried to swallow the lump that seemed to be stuck in his throat, licking suddenly dry lips. Aria fidgeted in her seat and looked desperately toward her boyfriend who had been stopped on the way to the refreshment table and was currently engaged in conversation with a former colleague and none of the girls seemed to be coming back anytime soon.

As is accepting her fate Aria gave him a brittle smile. "Are you enjoying yourself?" She asked knowing the answer even before she asked, trying to remain as impersonal as possible. As far as she could remember Jason had never attended his own school dances so it was highly unlikely he was enjoying his sisters' high school dance one of which he had to escort in order for her to attend. Alison had been complaining about it all week especially since she would have had a date.

Jason's eyes were like green flames as he looked at the girl he desperately wanted to hold. "You know the answer to that already, Aria. School dances were never my thing, but having to watch you in his arms is killing me! It should be me, I should be the one..." Jason stopped too choked up to continue.

"Don't say things like that." Aria told him in a heated voice.

"Why not, it's the truth. Why are you with him Aria? You don't think I see the way you look at me when you think no one is looking?"

Aria's chair scraped the floor as she stood quickly to walk away, "I don't have to sit here and listen to this." She said as she stormed out of the winter themed auditorium Jason following close behind.

"You're not running away this time, Aria. We need to talk. I know you have feelings for me and I love you." He told her his voice as angry as hers had been.

"Really?" She scoffed her arms crossed in a haughty matter as she tried to look down at him even though she was still inches shorter than him regardless on the heels she was wearing. "And when did you come to this conclusion, before or after you left without even so much as a 'kiss my ass, Aria', maybe you had this awakening when you got home." She said sarcastically her angry face now as close to being in his as her height would allow, eyes brownish green with rage.

Jason crowded his face into hers now just as angry as her. Dammit he had just wanted a chance to talk to her, to explain, but it was turning into a shouting match instead, Jason caught a flicker of desire in her eyes, it had been quick, but it was there. Jason hauled her into his arms, his mouth capturing her in an angry, but desperate caress. Her arms had uncrossed and were clutching his shoulders desperately even before his lips had touched hers. Jason slammed her back against the wall his body following. His moved over hers demanding and she opened her mouth for him and his marauding tongue, kissing her breathless. Her fingers tangled in his hair clenching the strands tight pressing his mouth more firmly to hers. Finally, their lungs screaming in desperate need of oxygen, they drug their kisses bruised and swollen lips apart looking into each other's eyes as greedy lungs drug in as much oxygen as they could before she pulled his mouth back to hers. Lips and hands demanding, angry, hungry.

Jason maneuvered a knee under her skirt and between her thighs, she tightened them and with a strangled moan began writhing on it, wet and hot for him. "Aria, let’s get out of here." He said in a strained voice, he knew they needed to really talk, that he needed to explain, but he wasn't sure how much longer he could last without fucking her senseless right here against this wall were anyone could walk up on them.

His words had the same effect on her as a bucket of ice water being thrown in her face. And with a strength that surprised both of them she pushed him from her. "Stop, just stop."

He ran shaking hands through his hair trying to regain some composure he opened his mouth meaning to calmly explain everything, but that wasn't what came tumbling out his voice and words far from calm

"Aria," he practically begged, his husky voice desperate, "please tell me there is still a place for me in your life. Tell me that I still have your heart, don't make me leave. I'll do anything to be with you, I love you I always have. Don't push me away!" For a few seconds Aria looked like she was beginning to soften toward him, but he seen her spine stiffen as did her resolve. Angry and hurt Jason blurted out, "Why can't you give me another chance, you gave Fitz another chance. I never meant to hurt you. Was my mistake so much worse than what he did?"

"Yes Jason, it was." Aria looked at him with cold eyes. She thought he knew about what Ezra had done. It had been horrible, he had used her, stalked them and lied about knowing Alison. Then he came so close to dying and he kept begging Aria to forgive him and she didn't know if he would make it especially after Shana poisoned him and she felt there was nothing else she could do. She told him she loved him, that she had missed him, that she wanted to be with him. After he made it the girls told her he deserved a second chance after what he did for them so Aria kept what she thought was going to be a deathbed promise. Despite everything Ezra had done, in her eyes what Jason had done was still worse. She watched as realization of her worlds sat in, watched as his eyes clouded up in confusion and hurt.

"Aria I was afraid, I was so messed up, I didn't know if I had hurt Alison and you were so young." He began babbling in anxiety afraid he had lost her and there was nothing he could do to change anything.

"Don't you get it Jason? What you did was worse because no matter what Ezra did he never had the power to break me like you did, I was humiliated really, more than hurt. Ezra can't hurt me like you can because a I could never love him or anyone like I do you!" she practically screamed at him. Then the heard a gasp and the sound of something hitting the floor. They both turned to see a white-faced Ezra, red punch puddled at his feet like spilled blood and two now empty plastic cups shifting back and forth on the floor. "Ezra!" He pivoted and took off down the hall faster than Aria thought he was capable of.

They had been so intent on each other, they hadn't heard the footsteps coming down the hallway. Ezra had finished talking to the ex-colleague and had went to get refreshments for himself and Aria she didn't want. When he turned to head back to the table he seen her, leaving the auditorium, he had tried to catch up, but he was too far away and he kept getting stopped by former students and coworkers. When he finally reached the hallway, he heard raised voices one sounding like it could be Aria’s and he had followed the sound. He had just gotten close enough to see who she was arguing with just as she said that he could never hurt her because she could never love him or anyone like she did Jason. Ezra stood in shock, the cups of punch he had still been carrying falling from his hands.

Aria gave Jason a dirty look before she took off after Ezra. Jason started to follow, but decided it was best to leave her alone for now. With a defeated sigh, he leaned back against the wall feeling very old and very tired until her words replayed in his mind and realized that Aria had inadvertently told him she loved him. He doubted she realized it, but her words were present, not past tense. No longer feeling as defeated he went to the nearest bathroom and got paper towel to clean up the mess, hoping that soon he could clean up the mess he had made of things.

FIN

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: Sorry I had to change that dress Aria wore to the winter ball. First off, I really hated it, I know everyone else probably thought it was beautiful, but I thought it was tacky and unflattering. Tacky, but flattering I could overlook, but I personally thought the dress was a total fail on all counts and did nothing to flatter Lucy/Aria. I even though the hair was awful. Secondly, I found the fact the stalker she kept dating for some ridiculous reason, buying her outfit she was to wear, as if she didn't know how to dress herself, was super creepy not to mention condescending to her parents, as if they couldn’t afford a nice dress for their daughter. There is a whole lot of stuff I find disturbing and dysfunctional and creepy about Ezria so enough of my soap box, since I could spend hours complaining about how awful I think Ezria really is. Anyhoo, let me know what you think.  
> Thanx for reading  
> GrimLi


End file.
